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10 things your assisted-living facility won't tell you

2009-07-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

BETTY ANN DRESSER wanted badly to trust the marketing director at Village Retirement Communities, an assisted-living company in Greenville, R.I. Her father, Howard Wyllie, suffered from both diabetes and Alzheimer's disease and had recently been discharged from another assisted-living facility that no longer had the resources to care for him. Dresser needed a new solution and she needed it fast. So when the first facility suggested she give Village a try, she called right away.
Dresser knew that her father needed lots of attention. He required a strict diet, as well as assistance with taking his medications. And because his Alzheimer's was well advanced, he needed what the industry indelicately calls a "lock-down" facility — a building where residents can be locked in to prevent wandering. Dresser says the marketing director foresaw no problems with Wyllie's special needs and she recommended he move into the Village at East Farms, a lock-down facility in Waterbury, Conn. She wrote down some figures on the back of an envelope explaining the fee structure, Dresser says, and the two sealed the deal with a handshake.
Or so she thought.
Problems arose just a few days later as Dresser was moving her father into his new residence. Not only did the marketing director present her with a contract that raised the fee by a couple of hundred dollars a month, but it became clear she had never told the head nurse or the kitchen at East Farms of Wyllie's medical condition. The facility wouldn't, in fact, cater to his dietetic needs and officials insisted that his prescriptions be reissued in a form that was easier to administer. Six days later, the facility called Dresser and said her father was running a fever. He would have to go see his personal physician.

When Dresser's sister arrived at East Farms to collect her father, she found him sitting naked in his own feces on the edge of his bed. No one helped her clean him up or dress him. And when she got to the doctor's office, Wyllie's physician said he wasn't running a temperature and that his sugar levels were fine. When the doctor called the officials at East Farms to tell them that Wyllie was in good health, he was informed that his patient wouldn't be allowed back into the facility. "When my brother-in-law called the head nurse," Dresser recalls, "she said, 'He's your problem now.'"
Dresser and her father's experience is an extreme one, there's no doubt about it. But their story raises a number of issues that, unfortunately, have become all-too-common in the sprawling, multibillion-dollar assisted-living industry. Lack of adequate care, broken marketing promises and a dearth of federal regulation are just a few.
Not all assisted-living residences, of course, suffer these problems. If you keep your eyes open, read the fine print and adjust your expectations, it's certainly possible to place your loved one in a facility that lives up to the industry's promise — providing a more comfortable, independent living experience than a standard nursing home. But as the financial pressures build on this fast-growing industry, problems are likely to proliferate. And in order to make an informed decision, you need to know what to look for. Here are 10 things that your average assisted-living director may not tell you.
1. We promise more than we can deliver

The biggest misconception consumers have about assisted living is that once their loved one is accepted into one of these facilities, he or she will live there for a very long time — perhaps avoiding a nursing home altogether. But nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the average resident stays only two years. Why? The assisted-living business model was never intended to provide care for frail and sickly seniors. When they get that way — as they inevitably do — many facilities will insist that they leave. In fact, state law often requires it.
To the extent that the industry acknowledges there's a misconception, it tends to blame consumers. "You can tell people [the rules] over and over again," says Whitney Redding, a spokesperson for the Assisted Living Federation of America. But when faced with family crisis, she insists, they often don't listen.
Our reporting suggests a more common reason for the confusion: marketing. As in Dresser's case, assisted-living companies — struggling to fill their beds — often suggest that their goal is to adjust to your loved one's needs, even if they become substantial. It used to be called "aging in place," but after pressure from consumer groups, the industry now discourages that phrase. Buzzwords aside, the message remains the same.

That is, until you read the disclaimer. Scan Altera Healthcare's (ALI) Consumer Information Page and the message is quite different. It says: "At times, medical condition, state regulation or failure to meet your obligations under the Resident Agreement dictates a move from our residence." In other words, if you require skilled nursing or need too much personal assistance, management can kick you out. So much for "postponing or eliminating" that move to a nursing home.
Even if a facility wants to keep your loved one on, the state may require he or she be moved to a nursing home. Consider the case of Marcia Gutterman, whose mother barely got settled into her Florida assisted-living residence before she had to move out. After less than two months Theresa Chasan fell and broke her hip, and according to Florida state law she had to move to a nursing facility. In Florida, an assisted-living facility with a basic license isn't allowed to tend to a resident who is bedridden for more than seven consecutive days.
Exceptions are made in terminal cases when hospice care is brought in. But the fact remains, if your dad's health deteriorates sharply, you run the risk he will be asked to leave just when you can least cope with it. How can you protect yourself? Read the resident contract very carefully and have a lawyer look it over before you sign. That way you can be prepared for an emergency situation.
2. We can raise our prices at any time

Get ready for sticker shock. The average assisted-living complex charges $2,000 a month for basic services and some of the pricier residences can run as high as $6,000. Moreover, while Medicare and Medicaid cover nursing-home care, they don't pay for assisted living. (There are four states where a Medicaid waiver can be granted, but funding is limited and hard to come by.) Seniors who are trying to work out a budget also need to realize that a complex can raise its prices at any time — and with little notice — warns Meredith Coty, the state ombudsman in Oregon.
The problem is often exacerbated by the industry's headlong growth. When a new facility opens it will often offer consumers a teaser rate to help fill the beds. Then, once the rooms are filled, it will hike its prices. Another tactic is to charge residents a basic monthly rate to cover a flat set of services and then tack on additional charges for care not included in the basic list.
When Lisa Lewis moved her father into Alterra's Sterling House in Ponca City, Okla., she was promised the fee would only increase incrementally as her salary rose over time. But less than two years later, her father was forced out of his residence after a new assessment program was instituted adding an additional $800 to his monthly bill — a burden the family couldn't afford. Alterra charged him every time he forgot to flush the toilet or when he needed help changing his clothes. He was even assessed because the staff had difficulty understanding him since his dentures didn't fit properly. The move back to Lewis's home proved traumatic for her father and he died less than two months later. When we called Alterra for comment, we were told the company doesn't discuss individual residents.
The key in a case like this is to ask beforehand what's covered by your contract and what's not. If your parent has special needs, count on paying an additional fee to have them taken care of. If the facility charges for something as silly as flushing the toilet, you might consider moving to the competition.
3. Our staff has very little training

According to Jeff Goldman, a former Manor Care (HCR) executive in charge of development and marketing, most assisted-living facilities were never designed to accommodate frail seniors or people with major health problems. The financial models, he says, were set up with "old ladies in fuzzy slippers" in mind.
Chains like Sunrise Assisted Living (SNRZ) and Alterra have tried to adjust by offering services to residents with higher degrees of "acuity." But even the best and most expensive assisted-living complexes man their facilities with mostly unskilled workers. The majority of the staff are personal aides working for close to the minimum wage. The folks who distribute medication need as little as 16 hours of classroom instruction in some states to qualify for the job. Even in Virginia, which is known for its strict rules, the training requirement jumps to just 48 hours.
Karen Love, a consumer advocate who works with the Consumer Consortium on Assisted Living, can personally attest to what a problem this can cause. During the mid 1990s she worked as an administrator for Sunrise Assisted Living's Arlington, Va., facility. She resigned after she realized she couldn't run a safe residence under the corporation's strict rules and staffing constraints. Her No. 1 complaint was that the caregivers had such little training. "You can't just throw [staff members] into a room and show them a tape," she says. "That's not meaningful training."
The incident that pushed her into consumer advocacy happened back in January 1995. One evening, a resident was found unresponsive in her wheelchair and the staff members were flummoxed. Rather than call 911 immediately, they first tried to perform a barbaric version of CPR. Then, thinking she was dead, they left the resident alone in her room for nearly an hour before help was called. "They freaked out," Love says, and "acted the way untrained people would." The resident died later that evening in the hospital.
Love blames an industry that expanded too quickly, growing at a compounded annual rate of 10% through out the 1990s. The pressure to make each new building profitable has been tremendous. A number of companies, such as Balanced Care and Alterra, admitted publicly that they struggled to meet debt obligations. It's clear looking back that in a rush to meet expected demand, many assisted-living operators pursued ill-conceived business models and failed to create the management infrastructure needed to operate a service-intensive business successfully. This includes keeping up with necessary infrastructure and support.
Asked to comment, a Sunrise spokesperson said, "We provide a safe and secure environment for residents and staff residences adequately to meet requirements enforced by each state and to meet our own guidelines."
4. Medication errors are common and our pharmacy charges too much

Trusting an assisted-living facility to properly dispense your medication is a bit like playing Russian roulette. Errors are common. While Lisa Lewis's father lived at Alterra's Sterling House, the health department found the facility failed to administer his ordered medications on 20 different occasions during the last four months of his stay. And during 15 of the 17 months he lived there, records indicate that the company lapsed in ordering or obtaining his medications.
Coty, Oregon's ombudsman, was hardly flabbergasted when we shared Lewis's story. "There is an epidemic [breakdown] in the medication administration system," Coty says. She also warns that pharmacies affiliated with assisted-living facilities will often charge residents more for prescriptions than an independent druggist would. When possible, residents should continue to use their own drugstore. But don't be surprised if your facility requires medications to come in a certain format, such as bubble dispensers, that may only be available through an affiliated pharmacy.
5. We face scant regulation

Al Schmidt's wife suffers from Alzheimer's disease and when he could no longer care for her on his own, he moved her into an assisted-living facility that appeared safe and loving. Only once it was too late did he realize that his spouse was better off at home.
While residing at Sunrise Assisted Living's Northville, Mich., facility, Ruth Schmidt was sexually abused by another resident who also suffered from dementia. This was discovered when an aide walked in on the man performing a sex act on Schmidt. The aide was instructed by the administrator of the facility not to report the incident to authorities, not document it in their files and not to tell Al Schmidt. The husband only discovered what had happened after a former employee felt a pang of guilt and called him at home to confess what she knew.
The facility initially denied the occurrence. But after the Northville police department investigated for criminal activity, Sunrise claimed that Ruth Schmidt — who can't think rationally — chose to participate in consensual sex. According to a state report, the administrator regrets trying to hide the incident, but chose not to tell Schmidt in an effort to spare his feelings. For his part, Schmidt isn't trying to conceal anything. "I want the world to know what goes on and I want it stopped," he says. A Sunrise spokesperson says the company doesn't comment on individual residents.
Unfortunately, Schmidt learned he had very little recourse against Sunrise. Since the facility didn't initially report the incident, there are no tangible records. And unlike nursing homes, which are federally regulated, assisted-living residences tend to face light state regulation. Marguerite Schervish, the long-term-care ombudsman for Michigan, says assisted-living facilities in her state, by law, have no requirement to protect vulnerable people other than what might be typically provided under a landlord/tenant relationship. Conversely, she says a nursing home would be liable and the state would take an accusation of sexual abuse in a licensed facility very seriously.
"It is up to a jury to prove without a reasonable doubt that she was abused, not the state prosecutor," Schervish says. Also, since assisted living isn't regulated by the federal government, rules and regulations differ by state. For information on your state's rules, check with your local department of aging or you can browse through the National Center for Assisted Living's state regulatory review.
6. You're practically on your own at night

A lot of seniors are like Elsie Lox. She moved into Atria Retirement & Assisted Living's Cranford, N.J., residence precisely because she wanted to have someone to watch over her in the evening. Only after settling in did she discover she was more alone than she had hoped. "At night, everyone went home and no one knew what was happening," says Lenore Lox, Elsie's daughter-in-law. The residence — which has more than 200 residents — employed just one aide to cover the night shift. Not exactly the security and care Elsie felt she was paying for.
Realizing she couldn't count on Atria, Elsie wore an emergency call button that contacted an outside service. The rest of her care eventually fell upon the shoulders of family. Lenore Lox and her husband spent countless evenings driving the 45 minutes back and forth from their home to the facility every time Elsie got a stomachache, felt dizzy or fell out of bed. The only help the night aide was trained to provide was placing a call to the ambulance.
Goldman, the former Manor Care executive, says the relatively healthy seniors that assisted-living centers were designed to treat don't really need 24-hour nursing care. But as the sector exploded from its infancy in 1981 to a $15.7 billion industry in 1999, beds needed to be filled and facilities started accepting people with more and more acute needs. The problem was, they couldn't increase staffing because that would inflate costs further, Goldman says. And they couldn't overtly raise rates because they were already sky high.
So how do you protect yourself or your loved one from moving into a poorly staffed facility? Insist on taking an extensive tour at different times of day to be sure there is adequate staff. It's rare that you would find a residence that's fully staffed in the evenings, but some are better than others. Observe whether the aides know the residents names and ask how many residents each staff person is responsible for. Don't be shy. Step right up and start talking to the people who already live in the residence. They'll tell you if they get enough service and attention.
7. You may have to hire a private-duty nurse, too

A few months ago, Heather Oppenheimer received a phone call. The administrator at Cincinnati's Evergreen Retirement Community wanted to meet and discuss her mother-in-law's care. Oppenheimer was told that her mother-in-law, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, needed help with toileting and bathing. This was more care and personal attention than the assisted-living facility was willing or able to provide.
The administrator recommended that Oppenheimer hire additional help from 7 a.m. through 9 p.m. — in other words, for most of the day. If she refused, her mother-in-law would be forced to move into a nursing home — only the one on the same campus was already full. Oppenheimer decided finally to comply with the facility's costly request. Now her mother-in-law is being tended to by a home-care nurse who costs an additional $100,000 a year.
Oppenheimer's experience is far from unique. "Once we can't keep up with all of [a resident's] needs, we give them the option to get more help or move to a nursing unit," Janet Lence, an assistant administrator at Evergreen, says. Although a facility will often offer a long menu of services, that doesn't mean your loved one is entitled to all of them. Each resident is allotted a certain amount of personal time and once that time is up you either have to pay more or get outside help.
Connie Rosenberg, president of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers, says you need to factor those costs into your budget if you plan on keeping your loved one in an assisted-living facility for more than a couple of years. The last thing you want is to expend the family's resources on the basic service and then be left with few options for care, she says.
8. We stop spending once our beds are full

From our research, we found that the newer the facility the better the maintenance and care. Why? Companies need to fill their beds. When shopping for an assisted-living residence, consumers often pay close attention to the appearance of a facility. So it's in a company's best interest to maintain the grounds and make their current residents happy.

Lenore Lox found that her mother-in-law's assisted-living facility deteriorated significantly during the seven-plus years she lived there. First, a major corporation bought out the facility. Then, soon after the property changed hands, a new administrator came on board who didn't manage the operations with the same firm hand. Dr. Jon Pynoos, of the University of Southern California's Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, says consumers need to be very vigilant to avoid problems. "[It's] easy [for a facility] to slip into doing a very poor job," he says. "All it takes is an administrator to not know what she is doing."
To make sure your facility is keeping up to snuff, ask to see its most recent inspection report. Although each state varies, most conduct a full survey once every two years and document any problems, ranging from faulty paperwork to safety concerns and general cleanliness. This document should be available at the front desk. If it isn't, consider it a red flag.
9. Practically anyone can hang an assisted-living shingle

Steve Sheley, a registered nurse who owns Freedom Oaks, a small assisted-living residence near Orlando, Fla., says he was surprised by how easy it was for him to open his facility. After taking a one-week class, he was ready for business. You too can open a facility. It doesn't matter that you have no medical or industry experience. Getting a license, which you don't even need in certain states, is remarkably simple. In Florida, a state known for protecting the elderly, an administrator need only take a 26-hour course and pass an exam before setting up shop. The facility itself receives a license upon physical inspection, where state officials check for safety and cleanliness.
Consumers also need to realize that assisted living is just a marketing phrase, not a regulatory term, says Alison Hirschel, an elder-law specialist at the Michigan Poverty Law Program. Almost any building catering to the elderly can use this title, though their services may range from a room with a call button to a full-service facility. Hirschel also confirms that there have been nursing homes in Michigan that were shut down for various reasons, but were allowed to reopen under the assisted-living shingle.
10. Check your dignity at the door

The guiding philosophy behind assisted living is to treat seniors with respect and help them maintain their dignity. After all, that's the major reason people choose one of these facilities over a nursing home. But while some facilities excel at this, others fall short. And as the string of examples above shows, it's easy for a frail senior citizen to get into a situation where dignity and independence are compromised.
Sometimes the breach has more to do with civility than health issues. Virginia native Nancy Jean complains that staff at her mother's small residence nearby speaks to both the residents and visiting families rudely. The residents are relegated to the upstairs bedrooms and hallways except when eating in shifts in the small dining room. There are also restrictions placed on the amount of clothing they are allowed to keep at the facility. Jean says staff members will go through residents' closets and throw out items they feel are extraneous.
Most upsetting to Jean's mother is that she isn't trusted to hold on to her own over-the-counter remedies such as Tums and Gas-X. It embarrasses her to ask for them so oftentimes she simply goes without. "I say they have taken her dignity away," says Jean.
The best thing to do, obviously, is avoid such a facility altogether. And the only way to do that is to take several tours (preferably at different times of day) and talk to the residents themselves. "If a facility is unwilling to address the concerns, you need to start looking for another facility," says David Kyllo, a vice president at the National Center for Assisted Living. For a complete list of questions to ask during your informational tour click on the National Center for Assisted Living's Web site.

Source: www.smartmoney.com

when air travel goes wrong, here's how to get compensated

2009-07-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

FOR THE PAST FOUR months, Mahesh Soori has been engaged in a slow and torturous battle with United Airlines for what he says is a well-deserved refund.
The refund stems from travel his parents endured last summer. The nightmare began halfway through a long journey from Omaha, Neb., to Colombo, Sri Lanka. During a stopover in Los Angeles — as they prepared to catch a flight to Singapore — a United Airlines agent informed them their tickets were invalid because their ticket information wasn't in the system, says Soori. Already halfway through their journey, the Sooris, who are both in their 70s, had no choice but to pay $2,860 for new tickets.
Soori soon took up the cause of getting that money back for his parents. (Because of their age, he feels he's better suited for the task.) He explained the situation in a letter to United and the airline responded that while the original reservations appeared to be in order, a computer glitch lead to the mishap. As "a gesture of goodwill," the company enclosed two $300 travel vouchers.
Soori's frustration has grown to such an extent that he now has a blog that details every phone call and letter he's sent. He may be on the verge of success: On Wednesday, the airline offered to reimburse him for the unused portion of the original tickets if he mailed them back. Still, that may not make the tab whole — the airline has not yet offered to refund the money that the Sooris paid for the new ticket, which cost considerably more. (United Airlines says that after looking into the situation, the tickets were expired and therefore invalid. The ticketing agents in Omaha and Denver failed to notice that.)

The Sooris' case may be an extreme case of travel hell, but the numbers show that travel hassles are on the rise, thanks in part to more people flying and more checked bags because of new regulations from the Transportation Security Administration. In October 2006, airlines registered 7.51 lost-bag claims for each 1,000 passengers, up significantly from October 2002, when only 3.09 complaints were filed for each 1,000 passengers, according to Department of Transportation statistics. That's an average 20% increase in lost bags each year. Cancelled flights are also on the rise, up from 1% in October 2002 to 1.9% in October 2006. Same for late flights: 84.8% of flights landed on time in October 2001; in October 2006 that figure had dropped to 72.9%.
So what's a disgruntled passenger to do? Chances are, you can get some form of reimbursement for your lost time or money — but don't expect the airlines to volunteer it. You have to be proactive about researching your rights and an airline's policies, and then making sure the airline holds up its end of the deal. Even then, success is not guaranteed.

"The airlines do have the upper hand on the situation; they determine how much to reimburse you," says Anne Banas, executive editor of travel web site SmarterTravel.com. "So it's up to the traveler to know [his or her rights] before traveling."
Here's a guide:
Lost Luggage

The good news: The airlines do have policies about reimbursing customers for lost luggage. (Those are typically outlined in a document called "Contact of Carriage." The travel web site Airfarewatchdog.com provides links to each airline's contract here.) The bad news? There are so many exclusions to these rules that in the end, the airline can pretty much give you however much they want. "There are more loopholes than you can shake a stick at," says Tom Parsons, CEO of BestFares.com, a travel deals web site.
Consider this: If an airline loses your bags permanently, for example, you are entitled to up to $2,500 in compensation for domestic flights. (For international flights, you can be compensated up to $9 per pound of luggage.) But most airlines refuse to cover jewelry and valuables, electronics, fragile items, prescription medication, or any business-related items, such as merchandise.
Even for items you can be reimbursed for, such as clothes, you need to provide receipts. And then depreciation kicks in, where each airline determines how much of the clothes' original price you'll get back, says George Hobica, founder of Airfarewatchdog.com.
That said, most airlines also have policies in place to reimburse passengers for necessities until they're reunited with their bags. That's typically a preset daily allowance that's negligibly small, Hobica says. Delta Air Lines, for example, offers $25 a day for up to five days of mishandled bags. It's awfully hard to put together a vacation wardrobe on that.
Other airlines, particularly European ones, can be more generous. Juergen Ritz, a Chicago-based German expatriate who travels to Germany at least once a month always flies Lufthansa because he knows they will reimburse him for 50% of the cost of clothing he buys if they lose his bags. He sends in the receipts and receives the checks within weeks, he says. That hasn't been his experience with domestic flights on U.S. airlines. "I'm surprised how much hassle it can be to deal with here," he says. "In the U.S. you don't get anything, or hardly anything. It's a totally different level of customer service."
Stranded at the Airport

So your flight was cancelled or delayed causing you to miss a connection. What can you do? First, find out what caused the problem, says Hobica. If it's a carrier-caused delay, such as a mechanical problem, you have a much better chance of getting reimbursement from the airline, such as meal or hotel vouchers, or even a full or partial refund of your ticket, he says. (Again, this is outlined in each airline's Contract of Carriage.) But with circumstances not under the airline's control — weather conditions, airport strikes, or, for that matter, any "act not reasonably foreseen" by the airline — it's up to that gate agent to fulfill your requests. In either case, the airline isn't required to compensate you in any way. (The only exception is if you're "bumped" from an oversold flight: You're entitled to up to $400.) And then it's all about being proactive. So be sure to ask for compensation.
Ritz, the German expatriate, always calls the airline's 1-800 number instead of lining up to rebook his flight with a ticketing agent. "If you have three or four agents and 500 people, the seats will be gone by the time you make the front of the line," he says. If he isn't comfortable booking by phone, he buys a day pass to the airline's airport club — typically $40 or so — where he gets to talk with an agent with no line whatsoever.

The Disgruntled Flier's Survival Kit
1. Always have a copy of the airline's Contract of Carriage with you, says SmarterTravel's Banas. Vague as they are, it helps to know your rights.
2. With delayed or canceled flights, try rebooking on the phone.
3. With lost bags, fill in all paperwork on the spot and ask the airline about its reimbursement or daily allowance policy.
4. If you're packing valuables in your luggage, consider buying additional luggage coverage from the airline. It will cost you a few extra bucks — the typical charge is $6 per $100 of value — but you'll get a special sticker on your bag and chances are, it will be handled more carefully, says BestFares.com's Parsons. At Delta, you can bump your insured value up to $3,000, for example, for a $30 fee.
5. Play your status. If you have elite or higher status on an airline's frequent-flier program, be sure to mention it to the gate agents. "You might get somewhat more ambitious customer service because that identifies you as a more profitable customer," says Tim Winship, editor of the web site FrequentFlier.com.
6. Complain. Once home, don't hesitate to write the airline about your negative experience. But be reasonable and specific with your demands, Hobica says. "If you were delayed for a couple of hours, you're not going to request 10,000 frequent-flier miles and a couple round-trip tickets." Click here for airline customer service contacts.
7. Be persistent. "Sometimes the airlines send the most ridiculous responses," Hobica says. If you're unhappy with the response, write again and escalate your case. If you don't get results from the airline, file a service complaint with the Aviation Consumer Protection Division (ACPD).

Source: www.smartmoney.com

20 small ways to save the planet

2009-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

LOOKING FOR SIMPLE — and cheap — ways to save the planet this Earth Day? We've got 20. Follow just a few of these tips, and you'll earn a green star.
1. Clean Out Your Mailbox

The average American receives 11 pieces of unsolicited junk mail each week — accounting for 100 million trees cut down annually, according to the Center for a New American Dream, a nonprofit dedicated to promoting responsible consumerism. Reducing your junk mail is easy, click here for instructions on how to do it. It takes just a few minutes of your time.
Impact

Cut the amount of junk mail you receive, and each year you'll save two trees and reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 92 pounds.

2. Look for the Energy Star Label

This government-run program puts its stamp of approval on products that meet strict energy-efficiency guidelines. It's become a given to look for the Energy Star label on big appliances like refrigerators, where the distinction means one model is at least 15% more energy-efficient than the federal standard. But you'll also find the Energy Star label on smaller purchases, including DVD players, dehumidifiers, battery chargers and cordless phones.
Impact

You'd pay the same — $30 — for a cordless phone, whether it had the Energy Star label or not. But according to Energy Star estimates, the energy-efficient version would save you $84 in energy costs each year, and reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 578 pounds.

3. Solar Charge Your Gadgets

Keeping your cellphone, iPod, PDA, digital camera, laptop computer and other portable electronic devices charged is a full-time job — for your electrical outlets. So long as they're plugged in, battery chargers keep drawing power, even if there's no device to charge (or the battery is already at full capacity). Get your gadgets off the grid with a SolarStyle SC002-Charger FK ($56). Its seven connectors can adapt any of your devices. Just plug 'em into the checkbook-size device and place it in a sunny spot.
Impact

By Energy Star estimates, if Americans switched their estimated 230 million portable electronic devices to more energy-efficient chargers, each year we'd prevent the release of one million tons of greenhouse-gas emissions. Someone switching over three devices — say, a digital camera, a cellphone and an MP3 player — would personally reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 26 pounds.

4. Flush Out Wasteful Habits

Most toilets use 3.5 gallons of water per flush; low-flow models use just 1.6 gallons. Make your porcelain throne run like one that's more energy-efficient by placing a gravel-filled gallon milk jug inside the basin. That causes the basin to fill more quickly, and with less water.
Impact

A filled gallon jug displaces a gallon of water in your tank. You'll save one gallon of water with every flush. Assuming you flush twice a day at home, that's 730 gallons over the course of a year.

5. Pick Organic Cotton

It takes one-third of a pound of chemical fertilizers and pesticides to produce enough cotton for one T-shirt, according to TreeHugger.com, a site dedicated to promoting sustainability. Go a greener route — without giving up brand names — by looking for organic cotton at your favorite retailer. A pair of women's Levi's eco skinny jeans goes for $65; conventional pairs range from $48 to $182. In March, Gap began offering organic cotton tees for men. At $16.50 each, they're priced the same as other plain T-shirts offered.
Impact

Buy one organic T-shirt, and that's one-third of a pound less chemicals making it into the soil. Jeans? Depending on the cut, that's at least a whole pound less.

6. Supercharge Your Coffee

Picking the right brand of coffee can be as energizing for the planet as for your brain. Peace Coffee sells only beans that are organic, fair trade and shade grown. Put plainly, they support small farms that don't use chemicals or clear the land of trees to make room for more coffee plants. You'll pay $10 to $12 per pound. For an extra jolt, try the new "Sow the Seeds" blend of beans from Ethiopia, Colombia and Sumatra — $2 of the $12 purchase price go to conserve farmland in the Midwest.
Impact

For the same price per pound as conventional blends from Starbucks, Peet's Coffee & Tea and others, you're getting the added benefit of supporting sustainable growing methods.

7. Say It With (Organic) Flowers

This Mother's Day, show Mom how sensitive and caring you are. You didn't just remember to send flowers, you also helped the planet at the same time! Organic Bouquet, a national delivery service, sends eco-friendly blooms fresh from growers. A 35-bloom bouquet of organic stargazer lilies is $60. Bonus: A free reward program lets you earn one point per $1 spent, with points redeemable for discounts of future orders.
Impact

Prices are competitive with, and often beat, those of other national flower delivery services. (Those stargazer lilies, for example, are $70 at ProFlowers.com.) You'll simultaneously save $10 and promote eco-friendly growing methods.

8. Offset Your Emissions

Each time you drive, fly or switch on your kitchen lights, you're using energy — and producing harmful greenhouse gases as a result. In this case, every little bit hurts. A family of four that drives two cars, spends $274 a month on electricity/gas; one cross-country flight for that family produces a whopping 53,766 pounds of harmful emissions annually, according to estimates from Terra Pass, a company that invests in clean energy projects.
But you can make less of an impact without giving up your car. Several companies, including Terra Pass and Driving Green help counterbalance emissions with contributions to projects producing clean energy (say, building wind-power turbines) or reducing emissions (harnessing harmful methane gas for energy production).
Impact

Driven 12,000 miles annually, a 2006 Mercedes-Benz S500 emits 13,200 pounds of carbon dioxide. A $48 Drive Green pass counterbalances that amount in clean energy production.

9. Fly Emission-Free

Picking the right airline is another way to reduce the harmful carbon gases produced during flight. New airline SilverJet is carbon neutral, which means it offsets the greenhouse gases emitted during flight by investing in projects that produce clean energy. A fee to offset carbon emissions is built into each fare. British Airways offers, but does not require, a similar fee add-on. Depending on the distance between your departing and arriving airports, the fee could be as little as $10.
Impact

A round-trip ticket from New York to London Sept. 1-8 would cost you $993 on either British Airways or Continental Airlines. But only the British Airways fare includes a $20 fee to counterbalance the 2,957 pounds of greenhouse gases emitted during the trip.

10. Try "Wet" Dry-Cleaning

Nearly 95% of dry-cleaners use the chemical perchloroethylene, or "perc," to clean your clothing, notes the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). The problem? It's a known carcinogen, and a common soil contaminant when it leaches into the soil from dry-cleaning facilities. Alternative dry-cleaning methods that use water or liquid carbon dioxide are no more expensive, and much better for you and the environment. OXXO, a Florida-based chain that uses environmentally-friendly solvents, has begun expanding nationwide. You can also search for your nearest wet dry-cleaners here and here.
Impact

Not only will you reduce your exposure to a toxic chemical, but you'll also be preventing the release of more harmful perc into the soil.

11. Recycle Your Electronics

Instead of kicking your old dinosaur of a computer to the curb, take the time to dispose of it properly. Electronics account for 4% of all solid waste, according to the EPA. A hefty portion of that is the lead, mercury and other hazardous materials found in circuit boards. Even the plastic cases of some devices can become toxic over time. Happily, most sanitation departments and electronics manufacturers have recycling programs in place. Hewlett-Packard's Recycling Center, for example, charges $48 to dispose of a desktop computer, but gives you a $50 coupon on your next purchase. For more tips, click here.
Impact

By EPA estimates, properly disposing a desktop computer keeps about three pounds of hazardous materials (from the computer's components) out of landfills.

12. Cool Down

There's a big difference between a hot shower and one that's scalding. You can prevent the latter and save energy by lowering your hot water thermostat to about 120 degrees, notes Consumer Reports' Greener Choices. Bonus: Less heat will escape from the boiler, which means you'll spend even less on cooling your home during the summer.
Impact

Lowering your boiler from high to medium heat can chop your bill by as much as 10%, according to Consumer Reports. For someone spending $300 a month, that's an annual savings of $360. You'll also reduce greenhouse-gas emissions by 2,474 pounds.

13. Click Here to Do Good

Add some oomph to your charitable donations by making every mouse click count. From search engines to shopping portals, there are plenty of free ways to send a little more to nonprofits in need. Link to the Barnes & Noble web site through iGive.com, and you can send 2% of your purchase to the Sierra Club (or any other of thousands of eligible nonprofits). Conduct your web searches through GoodSearch.com (instead of, say, Google) and generate 10 cents each search for Action for a Clean Environment. For more sites to try, click here and here.
Impact

In March 2006 alone, 2.3 million free click-throughs on The Rainforest Site generated enough contributions from advertisers and other sponsors to save 616 acres of rainforest. An individual clicking through every day for a year could fund preservation for 4,161 square feet.

14. Eschew Plastic Bags

Paper or plastic? If you really want to make an impact, "neither" is the right choice. Although producing plastic bags uses 40% less energy than paper ones, they also take 12,000 times as long to decompose, according to the EPA. The best solution is to provide your own bags, be they reusable totes or plastic picked up during an earlier shopping trip. Plenty of grocers give discounts for reusing bags. At Whole Foods, you'll save five cents for every bag you provide; ShopRite knocks off two cents per bag.
Impact

If every person in New York City used one fewer plastic bag each year, it would reduce waste by five million pounds and save 22 barrels of oil, according to the EPA. You, individually, would save 0.02 ounces of oil for every plastic bag reused, refused or recycled.

15. Eco-Renovate Your Home

If you've been putting off buying a new water heater or replacing those old windows, this year is the year to make it happen. Not only will eco-friendly home renovations give your home a facelift, but done right, they also reduce energy bills and qualify you for a tax break next April.
Impact

Buying an energy-efficient water heater would net you a tax credit of up to $300. It would also cut your annual utility bill by about $64 and reduce greenhouse-gas emissions by 440 pounds.

16. Stay at an Eco-Resort

OK, so you're not the camping type. That doesn't mean you can't have an environmentally friendly — and luxurious — vacation. At the four-star El Monte Sagrado in Taos, N.M., for example, your room includes a private patio, gas fireplace and hot tub. But the resort is also geothermally-heated and solar-powered. Wastewater is purified and used to irrigate ponds on the property.
Impact

Say you were looking for a beach-front villa at an all-inclusive resort on Andros Island in the Bahamas. You'd pay $495 per night at Emerald Palms, $430 per night at Tiamo Resorts. But only the latter uses 100% solar power. A solo traveler would save $65 a night and promote sustainability on the island.

17. Check Your Tire Pressure

Improving your gas mileage is beneficial to your wallet and the environment — you'll spend less on gas, and your car will emit fewer greenhouse gases. The simplest way to improve your mileage is to check your tire pressure. Properly inflated tires improve gas mileage by 3.3%, according to the Alliance to Save Energy.
Impact

For the expense of a quarter or two at the local gas station, someone driving a 2007 Ford Focus 12,000 miles annually would save $35 in gas and reduce greenhouse-gas emissions by 254 pounds.

18. Blend Home Heating Oil

Staying warm and increasing your home's energy efficiency during the winter don't have to be mutually exclusive propositions. One way to do both is to blend your petroleum home heating oil with biodiesel made from animal fat or vegetable oil. You'll pay more at the outset — a blend of oil and biodiesel is usually just two to three cents more than regular oil alone, according to the National Oilheat Research Alliance, a trade group. But making the switch doesn't require any additional home modifications, and you'll reduce your carbon emissions by 20%. To find a supplier, click here.
Impact

For a household that spent $1,118 to heat their home last winter, switching to a mix of home heating oil and biodiesel reduces greenhouse-gas emissions by 1,537 pounds. They'd see their bill go up $14.

19. Rent a Hybrid

The benefits of saving energy and using less gas aren't limited to owning a hybrid vehicle. They're just as helpful to the world — and even more so for your wallet — when you're renting. While some rental companies have a few hybrids (Enterprise, for example, offers the Toyota Prius), EV Rental offers only environmentally friendly vehicles. They have counters at airports in 12 states, as well as in 12 countries abroad, including the United Kingdom, Mexico and Costa Rica. (For the latest in hybrids from the New York International Auto Show, click here.)
Impact

Say you're driving 500 miles over the course of a weeklong rental in Phoenix. Renting a Toyota Prius from EV Rental would reduce greenhouse-gas emissions by 143 pounds, compared with a Chevy Aveo from Alamo Rent-A-Car. (You would, however, pay $100 more for the weeklong rental; $64 when you factor in fuel savings.)

20. Skip Bottled Water

In 2006, Americans spent a record $11 billion on bottled water, according to the Earth Policy Institute. Hydration is good, but all those bottles require a liquid fuel of a different kind to produce — 1.5 million barrels of crude oil. Go bottle-less and fill up a reusable container with filtered water from your sink. For $125, the Aquasana Water Filter hooks up to your tap and provides up to 30 gallons of filtered water an hour.
Impact

By switching to a water filter or drinking from the tap, someone who drank a $1.50 bottle of water a day could save 2.3 liters of oil annually — not to mention a whopping $547.50 ($447.50, after purchasing the filter).

Source: www.smartmoney.com

why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger

2009-07-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Thumb represents parents

Second finger represents brothers & sisters

Center finger represents own self

Fourth finger represents your partner

Last finger represents your children

Why should the wedding ring be put on the fourth finger?

Please follow the steps below

Firstly, show your palm, center finger bend and put together back to back

Secondly, the rest 4 fingers tips to tips as shown in the pic ..

Try to open your thumb

the thumb represents parents

it can be open because every human does go thru sickness and death

which means our parents will leave us one day.

Please close up your thumb

then open your second finger

the second finger represents brothers and sisters

they do have their own family which too means that they will leave us too.

Now close up your second finger

open up your little finger

this represents your children

sooner or later they too will leave us for they have their own life to live.

Nevertheless, close up your little finger

try to open your fourth finger in which we put our wedding ring

you will be surprise to find that it cannot be open at all

because it represents husband and wife

this whole life you will be attached to each other.

Real love will stick together ever and forever. . .

Source: www.madmasti.com

50 romantic things

2009-07-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

50 Romantic things to do with your girl/boy friend
1. Watch the sunset together.

2. Whisper to each other.

3. Cook for each other.

4. Walk in the rain.

5. Hold hands

6. Buy gifts for each other.

7. Roses.

8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.

9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.

10. Write poetry for each other.

11. Hugs are the universal medicine.

12. Say only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!

15. Spend every second possible together.

16. Look into each other's eyes.

17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.

18. When in public, only flirt with each other.

19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

20. Buy her a ring.

21. Sing to each other.

22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.

26. Dance together.

27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.

28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.

29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes

30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

33. Be proud to introduce her to your friends - "She's the one"

34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.

36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

37. Hang out with his/her friends.

38. Go to church/pray/worship together.

39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

42. Make sacrifices for each other.

43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."

Source: www.madmasti.com

cheating partner

2009-07-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Is Your Partner Cheating?

Catch Your Cheating Partner

By : Madmasti Editorial

It is true that you are a miserable person once you suspect that your partner is cheating on you.

It is important to bear in mind that you don't tell your partner of your suspicions until you gather a concrete proof. You don't tell about your plans or otherwise he/she will be more careful so it will be impossible to catch him/her.

You never confront him/her until you are absolutely sure. You just don't assume that he/she is being unfaithful but take some actions which might give you some clue.

Note down the most frequently used phone number

You may look for the details of the phone number you don't recognize and note the details of the call made/ received. Take for instance, a phone number which is on regular use (particularly the call which was made while he/she was commuting or when you were not around). Note down this number. It might be come handy.

Make a call from a pay phone

You could call the number which looks suspicious from a pay phone so that you are not identified. Call out this number and don't say anything, try to recognize the person's voice who answers. Mostly it is found that he/she is seeing someone known to both of you.

Search the pockets

If you are able to get hold of his/her credit card, wallet or manage to search his pockets to trace purchase of any gift which has not been bought for you (check the specifications like the date and the kind of purchase and tally with list of gifts you have received).

You might find some bills

You might be able to find some clue from any restaurant, hotel's bills. Keep this in your custody which might be useful in using as a solid proof.
The odometer reading

Check his/her vehicles Odometer to take readings before and after his trip to verify the distance he/she has covered, this will help you co-relate with your estimated calculations, and you might be able to work out where he could have been.

Clue from the deleted mail folder

You might be able to pick some clue from his/her deleted mail folder. You might be lucky to find some of the deleted e-mails which he/she has deleted recently.

Be alert

Always listen carefully to what he/she speaks avoiding asking any questions or he/she might not talk about the same thing again.

See if you find any perfumes

Check his/her pockets or belongings to see if you find any perfumes etc which does not belong to you.

Suddenly buying new clothes

If suddenly you find he/she is buying new clothes, it could be a helpful sign that he/she is seeing someone.

Monitor recently visited websites

You can monitor recently visited websites which could be the websites of vacation resorts for a travel which you are not aware of.

If you happen to prove that he/she is cheating on you, make sure you are prepared emotionally to bear the truth.

Sit cool and think you can and should save your relation or not.

Bear in mind you might end up in handling with a difficult situation.

Source: www.madmasti.com

happy valentine's day

2009-07-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

Say Happy Valentine's Day in the most Romantic Way
There is a list of ideas simply state why we love someone so dearly that a lifetime doesn't seem enough to say it all.

With the help of these romantic valentine ideas you can say the right words at the right time.

So pack your gift, dress up smart and say the line your beloved is dying to hear. Happy Valentine's Day!

1. I love you for the way you complete my thoughts; for the way we complete each other's sentences.

2. I love you cause you'll never give up on me.

3. I love you for the way you look at me.

4. I love your twinkling mischievous eyes.

5. I love you because I can't imagine a day without you

6. I love you because you made me complete

7. I love you because you are always there through thick and thin.

8. I love you because even fixing a car is fun with you by my side.

9. I love you for the way we share beautiful sunsets together.

10. I love you for the strong coffee you make for me every morning.

11. I love you for the way we talk the whole night long and then cuddle up to the sunrise.

12. I love you because every time I close my eyes I see only you.

13. I love you because I trust you more than myself.

14. I love you for the way you make me laugh.

15. I love you for your thoughtful and sensitive nature.

16. I love you for the way you perfectly fit in my arms.

17. I love you for the way you read my mind through my heart.

18. I love you for the way you surprise me with your small-small gestures.

19. I love you for the way you treat my friends
20. I love you because you treat my parents like your own.

21. I love you for the trust you have in me.

22. I love you because you are never jealous of friends.

23. I love you for the way you call up just to say hi.

24. I love you because you are my soul mate.

25. I love you for the way you handle difficult situations.

26. I love you for the way you protect me all the time.

27. I love you for your love for life.

28. I love you because after so many years also your touch gives butterflies in my stomach.

29. I love you for the way my heart misses a beat every time you walk in.

30. I love you for the way you encourage me when I feel low.

31. I love you for your sense of humor.

32. I love you because you make me feel like a queen.

33. I love you cause I look forward to growing old with you.

34. I love you for the way you thank me for everyday chores.

35. I love you for the way we make up after every fight.

36. I love you for your openness to try new things.

37. I love you for the way you pamper and spoil me.

38. I love you for the way you join me in my wildest fantasies.

39. I love you for your courage to be you all the time.

40. I love you for your honesty.

41. I love you for your beautiful smile

42. I love you for your hair

43. I love you for the way you try to cook for me

44. I love you for the way you shower flowers on me

45. I love you for giving us our precious child.

46. I love you for never leaving my side even when I hurt you.

47. I love you cause I feel safe with you.

48. I love you because there is no one else above you.

49. I love you because we are two bodies one soul.

50. I love you for you are me and I am you!

Source: www.madmasti.com

valentine ideas

2009-07-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

Most Romantic Valentine's Ideas For You!
Valentine's day, the most beautiful festival honouring the celebration of love falls on February 14th. Every year this day is celebrated with joy and excitement with lovers vowing the love in their hearts. The day is marked with cards, chocolates and Valentine gifts. Couples take this day to purpose to their girlfriend or boyfriend as a declaration to their love and commitment. But in the essence of it all, Valentine's Day is about love and romance. It's a day to celebrate the unconditional love for someone whether it's your wife or your mother. Cherishing this tender emotion of affection we bring together a collection of great romantic valentine ideas.

1. Call to see if you can pick up anything on the way home from work.

2. Float a love note in a bottle in the bathtub.

3. Call him at work and say: "Hello handsome! Are you free tonight?"

4. "The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence" Dr Albert Ellis

5. Write him/her a check for one million kisses

6. Get tulips and attach this note: "I've got two-lips waiting for you!"

7. Something for the anniversary.... a lottery ticket and a note: "I hit the jackpot when I married you."

8. Hire a masseuse to give your partner a professional massage at home.

9. On cold mornings warm up her car.

10. Bring flowers home for no reason (well, the reason is love).

11. Send a beautiful romantic greeting card. For example, a Sweet Kiss

12. Leave a trail of your clothes from the front door to the bedroom.

13. Kiss every square inch of her body S-L-O-W-L-Y !

14. Call her at work and ask: "Is this the office of the most beautiful woman in the world?"

15. Send a big box via a courier with a tiny gift packed in the middle.

16. Send a dozen roses: 11 red roses and 1 white one. The note: "In every bunch there's one who stands out - and you are that one."

Source: www.madmasti.com

romantic proposals

2009-07-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Check out the list of smart and romantic proposal ideas
Check out the list of smart and romantic proposal ideas

The fragrance of romance and intimacy creates room for love and compassion, bringing out the longing to stay together for all eternity to come. Romantic proposal incision delves into the difficult psyche of love and romance and comes up with the most appropriate ideas of proposing marriage and engagement and to tempt you into spicing up your love life.

Check out the following list of smart and romantic proposal ideas to perfectly suit the requirements and understanding of new age love and romance.

1. Over the microphone on the plane

2. The beach! It can be the most romantic place to propose. Then after you've proposed you can have that intimate privacy. Better yet, do it in the late afternoon, when the sun is still warm and lovely and there is a beautiful sunset.
3. Invite her for a romantic movie at your place. Arrange the whole ambience to be replete with a romantic air. Arrange for a romantic dinner and wait for the instance when the movie reaches a romantic point. You can propose to her at the same time and slid the engagement ring down her finger. Another way to propose her is, on a glass of wine while you drop the ring in her wine glass and she will get it after she has finished it.

4. You can also take her to the place where you went for your first date. Talk to her about the old days and finally you can give her a card and a bouquet of roses and propose to her for marriage. The card should be carved from between so that the ring fits in perfectly, she will see the ring when she opens it and below the ring you can write the romantic poem.

5. If you want to surprise her in the very beginning of the day then you can send her a greetings card with a proposal poem in it and flowers bouquets from the local florist. To surprise her all the more send her a bag of cookies and make her open it with you.

6. One weird idea is to hide the diamond ring some where in her room and to send her for a mad treasure hunt. Give her clues so that finds the ring easily and then propose her with a bouquet of roses or with a box of chocolates. Hopefully she will say 'yes'. Or you can start playing a game of trivia, when your turn comes you just ask her if she will marry you or not.

Source: www.madmasti.com

do looks matter?

2009-07-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

How Looks Matter in your Relationship & and how can you enhance your Looks!

Some people think that the looks of a person doesn't matter in a relationship. What is special about one's looks, but one got to admit in reality they do. Basically looks are concerned with conversation and interaction.

Need of Being Attractive

Attractive things make people feel good

Attractive things make people feel good which in turn makes them think more creative, positive emotions are critical to learning, curiosity, and creative thought. Have you ever noticed how your emotions work at the presentation of a meal? You might have spent lot of time in making the visual presentation beautiful so that the food becomes appealing. So it concludes that visual presentation, if not pretty/handsome, can be unattractive.

Effect of attractiveness

People go out of their way to help attractive people of the same and opposite sex because they want to be linked and accepted by these good looking people.

Your physical attractiveness

The look one is possibly born with, impacts every individual right from birth to death. People find themselves valued more that have higher attractiveness. Even in practical life it is a known fact that if you are more attractive you receive lot more attention, better service, better deals and even better medical treatment

What one looks for in your personality

When a woman looks out at you, she will look at your shoes, whether they are polished or not. She will look at your nails and see if they are long or dirty. She will also look at your clothes, they are clean or not, how they go together with your image/personality and what they communicate.

The important steps to make your looks better!

Your style adds to you personality

It is important to have an appropriate style that is consistent with your personality.

Take a special care of yourself

All one needs to do is to be neat and tidy and have some style. Take care of yourself a bit more so that you can achieve a better impression on people you interact with.
Any Acne on your face

If you have big acne on your face, visit the beauty parlour/ cosmetic surgeon and get it rectified.

Million Dollar smile

Make sure you have a nice, pleasing smile on your face which is available free of cost.

Your tidy and shining hair matters

If your hair is greasy and untidy, try some nice shampoos, wash it and find some suitable hair creams, go to a hair saloon, get yourself a nice hairstyle. If you happen to be baldy, we suppose visit the trichologist /wear a wig!

Dress up fashionably

If you dress like nerd, go to the shopping centre and buy yourself some good clothes (good doesn't mean too expensive), you don't have to spend too much on clothes, and it means you dress up fashionably.

Put on some muscles/get on diet

If you are too thin; make sure you try put on some muscles and on the other hand if you are too fat, get on a diet. Eat healthy and balanced food and spend some time in exercising.

Attract the opposite sex, use perfumes/colognes

If you find that you per perspire too much and then don't smell good, don't just have a fixed notion that it is normal manly/womanly smell but do use some nice perfumes (which could work out to be a bit expensive but well worth having it), as perfumes attract the opposite sex subconsciously. Colognes also work equally well and do effect attracting the opposite sex.

Your body language

The way you carry yourself in this universe is more important than you realize. Right kind of attitude is very important mainly complimenting your partner (attitude consists of body language, eye contact, words you communicate through).

Prevent bleeding of lip colour

In case of women, you must take special care of your lips, make them more beautiful. If you use lip colour- use a lip base under your lipstick, then outline your lips with a lip liner. Whereas you happen to use inexpensive lips colour, use two layers of lip liner.

Don't go around in slippers

Don't just go around in slippers showing you're heel cracks / unclean feet. Go through some beauty tips to find some good clues to put your feet in nice shape/get pedicure done.

Source: www.madmasti.com

do you know how to be street smart?

2009-07-01T15:21:00.000-07:00

Do you know how to be street smart?

Being street smart means knowing how to keep yourself safe from strangers when you're alone or with other kids. Whether you're walking to school or to the bus, hanging out on the playground, or riding your bike in your neighborhood, being street smart helps you stay safe. When you're street smart, you know your way around, you know how handle yourself in tough situations, and you're able to "read" people.
Imagine if a baby were able to walk around alone. The baby couldn't understand a "Don't Walk" sign, wouldn't know where to go for help, and couldn't find the way back home. What's more, the baby might not know good people from bad people. The baby would be in danger.
Thank goodness you're not a baby anymore! You know your way around and you know the rules of the road. The most complicated thing to learn is how to deal with strangers. But if you follow a few rules all the time and trust your instincts, you can be really street smart.
Who Are Strangers?
When you're walking home from school, a person in a car pulls up and asks you for directions. At the park, someone says he needs you to help look for his lost puppy. These people may seem friendly, but no matter what they say to you, they have one thing in common: They're strangers.
Most strangers aren't dangerous and wouldn't do anything to hurt kids. Unfortunately, though, some strangers can be dangerous, and it's impossible to tell who's OK and who's not. A dangerous person doesn't necessarily look scary or mean — the person might look nice. That's why it's important to follow the safety rules all the time.
Make Your Whereabouts Known
The adult who's taking care of you needs to know where you are at all times. That means telling your mom or dad, grandmother, babysitter, or whoever is keeping an eye on you where you are and when you'll be coming home.
Stick With a Friend
It's more fun and safer to do things with friends. Take along a buddy when you walk to school, bike around the park, or go to the store. Traveling with a friend whenever you can is a good idea, and traveling with a bunch of kids is even better.
Pick Out Safe Spots
What are safe spots? Safe spots are places where you can stop if you need help, like the houses of kids you know, your parents' friends' houses, stores, restaurants, police stations, libraries, and fire departments. When you're walking or riding your bike, make a mental note of the safe spots along your route. That way, you'll know where they are in case you ever need one.
Avoid Places That Aren't Safe
Be sure to keep away from isolated areas. These are places where no one is around, like the woods or small, dark, streets.
Let Grown-Ups (and Only Grown-Ups) Help Strangers
It's nice to help people. But remember: Strangers should ask adults, not kids, for help.
If a stranger approaches you and asks you for help — such as with giving directions, finding lost money, or searching for a runaway dog — don't help. Don't even give an answer. Right away, you should walk the other way. If you're not near a safe spot, try any store or restaurant. If you feel you're in danger, yell for help.
Stay Away From Strangers' Cars
If a stranger pulls up in a car and offers you a ride, don't get in. You probably know that rule, right? But that's not all of it. It's also important to avoid a stranger's car completely. If a stranger asks you to look in the car, don't do it. Don't agree to look in the trunk or in the back of a truck or van. Don't put your arm in the window to take something or point to something. Don't agree to come closer to see a pet or to get a toy that's offered.
If a stranger offers you a toy, some candy, a stuffed animal, or anything else, don't ever take it. Even if it's something you really want, if the offer is coming from a stranger, you should ignore the person and walk the other way.
If a stranger walks up or pulls up in a car and you're too far away to hear the person, don't go closer, even if the person waves you over. Just get away. Run the opposite way that the car is heading. Get to an adult you know, a police officer, a security guard, or one of your safe spots as fast as you can if the stranger comes toward you.
What if a stranger comes to pick you up from school, sports, dancing lessons, or the park? This is no different from any other time — a stranger is a stranger, so don't get in the car. Even if the stranger says that your parents sent him or her, or that there's an emergency and you must get in the car and go to the hospital, turn right around and tell an adult what happened. Your parents would have told you if someone else was coming to pick you up, and if an emergency really did occur, they would send someone you already know, not a stranger.
Even if the stranger knows your name, don't be fooled. There are lots of ways to find out kids' names, even when someone doesn't know them or their families. For example, do you have a jacket or a piece of jewelry that has your name on it? That's an easy way for someone to learn your name.
Make a Lot of Noise If You're Scared
You've probably been told lots of times that you should not yell. You should keep it down, be calm, or use your inside voice. When you think you might be in danger, forget all of that advice! That's the perfect time to be noisy!
If a stranger approaches you (on foot or in a car) and follows you when you try to walk away, yell for help as you run away. If a stranger ever tries to grab you, yell as loudly as you can and try to get away. You can shout things like, "Help! I don't know you!" or "Help! This isn't my dad!" People in the area will hear what's going on and help you, so make plenty of noise.
Trust Your Instincts
Kids need to follow the rules of street smarts all the time with every stranger, even if the situation seems fine. And if your instinct is telling you something is dangerous or just not quite right, get out of the area, tell an adult, or call 911. No one will think that you are silly. In fact, just the opposite — people will think that you're truly street smart!
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

Date reviewed: February 2007

Originally reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD

Source: www.kidshealth.org

tom's top 10 smart things to do when buying a home

2009-06-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Real estate guru Tom Adkins, "Cost of Freedom" regular and real estate specialist with RE/MAX Property Center of Paramus, New Jersey, details the top 10 smart things to do when buying a home:
No. 10: Find an Agent Who Is Mean
First, you want a "buyer's agent." And you want someone who really knows their stuff. If possible, at least a few years in the business. And you want someone who is heartless, who will tell you a home is a dog or a good deal… and why.
When you meet an agent, ask them to tell you their philosophy for buying. They should ALWAYS ask what you are looking for. Do not be afraid if they suggest something different. A bigger, more expensive house is often a good suggestion, not a plot to make money.
No. 9: Drive by Everything
Ask your agent to print out everything in your price range. Then, make a map and drive by everything. First, you will see everything. That will give you a great feel for the market. Second, you can narrow down the list very quickly.
Remember, you can’t say "yes" from the outside, but you can say "no." Drive-bys will tell you if the Clampetts live next door, or the kids are racing mini-bikes and go-karts on the lawn, or if the home backs up to a shopping center or a sewer plant.

Remember, looking is cheap. Buying is expensive. But buying the wrong house is VERY expensive.
No. 8: Look Slightly Above and Slightly Below Your Price Range
It’s always a good idea to see as much as possible. A lower-priced home may be just as good as what you are looking at. Then again, a higher-priced home may just what you need and well worth it. But see them.
No. 7: Look Ahead of the Curve
Always try to buy in an area that is "hot" or about to become "hot." That’s where the best appreciation is. If you buy in neighborhoods that are currently hot, that’s not a bad second choice.
And of course, think twice about areas that have already had their best days.
No. 6: Buy Newer if Possible
New homes have modern designs and features that older homes don’t have. They appreciate faster and cost less to maintain.
Older homes have their charm, of course, but be prepared to pay the price of higher maintenance and utility bills.
No. 5: Get to Know Financing Extremely Well
Buying a home is actually easy. Financing is hard. Financing is probably 90 percent of the buying process, so learn it well. Understand the advantages and disadvantages of each type of mortgage. And don’t be afraid to ask.
It’s also important to understand that loan officers don’t always know all their products or how they work. They are often glorified order-takers. And of course, everyone becomes an expert when you ask them advice on spending your money.
Like anything else in life, always learn for yourself.
No. 4: Drive the Work Routes in Rush Hour BEFORE You Even Look at the Houses
Know the neighborhoods ahead of time. And don’t forget, some places are worth an extra half an hour drive.
No. 3: Get a Good Home Inspector
Some home inspectors are wussies. Others try to be a big hero and write up nonsense that just scares the buyer and irritates a seller. And often, that’s how deals fall apart.
You want someone why is good but accurate.
No. 2: Use an Interest-Only Mortgage
Paying off principal is foolish. Put that money to work in your retirement funds. Remember, principal isn’t deductible. So if you are paying down a mortgage at 5.5 percent, you typically get a 28 percent tax break plus matching funds plus stock appreciation in a 401k.
Of course, you can also use that money to buy a bigger, better house, which beats the daylights out of almost any stock investment out there. And you’ll get a tax break on interest, as well. Never pay principal.
No. 1: Buy Your Second Home First
ALWAYS buy your second home first. If you buy too small, the bigger house just gets more expensive when you buy it five years later. This is by far the greatest mistake homebuyers make.
It’s far better to stretch into a larger home that you keep for 30 years. When you retire and move to a Florida condo, you will have hundreds of thousands of dollars extra… maybe millions.
And a freebie:
ALWAYS Buy Where the Schools Are Good
It's the first question everyone asks. Hoses in good school districts almost always appreciate faster, hold their value better, and are well worth the money.

Source: www.foxnews.com

top 10 home buying mistakes

2009-06-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Real estate guru Tom Adkins, "Cost of Freedom" regular and real estate specialist with RE/MAX Property Center of Paramus, New Jersey, details the top 10 dumb things people do wrong when buying a home:
No. 10: Listen to the Wrong People
Mom and Dad bought 40 years ago. Your best friend makes half the money — or twice the money. And that guy in the cubicle next to you? He hasn't even bought a house yet. So why are you listening to them?
Listening to other people may be interesting, but it's far better to learn housing on your own, especially with a good agent.
No. 9: Get a 30-Year Fixed-Rate Mortgage
Terrible idea. Paying principle is dumb.
First, you can't deduct it on taxes. Second, it doesn't change how fast your house appreciates. Third, the principle would be better spent in a 401K or IRA, which automatically gets a 28 percent increase on the deduction alone, if you are in the 28 percent bracket. And fourth? Put that principle towards a bigger, better house… which appreciates faster.
And, as always, get pre-approved for your mortgage (search) — ask for as much as you can possibly qualify for, even if you don't use it.

No. 8: Pay Points on a Mortgage
"Points" are short for discount points (search), which theoretically get you a lower rate. In reality, you are just borrowing less money. And the "return" on points is usually about 5-7 years, when you either sold your home or refinanced. The only time it's worth paying points is when you get a very good rate break (say, ½ percent per point) or you will keep the loan forever.
No. 7: Put Too Much Money Down
The more money down, the lower the return on your equity. Plus, if the hooey hits the fan, the more cash you keep, the better.
No. 6: Buy Too Small
This is the absolute worst mistake people make in real estate is buying a house that's too small. If you move out five years later, you'll have spent three sets of closing costs instead of one. And, you'll be buying that big house for twice what you could have paid for it.
The concept of buying smaller homes and trading up five times in 15 years is a plot by real estate agents to take more money from you.
No. 5: Buy a Fixer-Upper
Pay yourself an hourly wage in your head, and see if it's worth it. Usually, you could get a second job at 7-11 and come out ahead by paying contractors.
Plus, you don't get to enjoy life. Who wants to live in dust and dirt for a year and a half? Certainly not your wife. This is a great way to get divorced.
No. 4: Waiting Too Long to Make the Move
Since houses appreciate over time, the longer you wait, the more it costs. And it's not just a little bit. If a $200,000 house goes up 10 percent, it costs you $20,000 bucks.
Often people wait because they want to save money and put more down. This is really dumb. You can't save as fast as houses appreciate. Can you imagine working all year to save up $15,000 extra dollars and the house sells for $30,000 more?
No. 3: Keeping a Bad Real Estate Agent
If your agent sucks, get rid of him. I can't count how many people I met who said, "My first real estate agent was awful. He overslept, didn't know much, didn't help me with financing, was rude, smelled bad and ate donuts while we were looking at houses. And I wasn't happy with the house he sold me."
Well, duh…why did you keep him?
No. 2: Buy 10 Years Too Late
Buying behind the curve, rather than on the curve or ahead of the curve.
People often buy home in neighborhoods that have already had their best days. Not that they are bad, but they aren't "hot" anymore. It's always better to buy ahead of the curve, when a neighborhood is just taking off, or just before.
This is where agents usually know more than your friends.
No. 1: Put Money Down
Why put money down? There are endless 100 percent financing plans. And almost every one is better than dumping money into a deal.
First, it doesn't make your house go up any faster.
Second, it lowers the return on your equity. If you have 5 percent down, and a house goes up 5 percent, you doubled your money. If you have 50 percent down, and the home goes up 5 percent, you only get a 10 percent return.
Last, if something goes wrong in your life, cash is a lot better than equity. Try getting an equity line of credit if you lose your job.
And a bonus...
Treating sellers with disrespect.
The absolute worst thing to do is insult a seller. Stupid clauses, ridiculous lowball offers and such simply infuriate sellers. Homes are much more personal than cars, bikes and yard sale items. I've seen sellers make deals with lower offers because they liked one buyer and hated another.

Source: www.foxnews.com

so what do you want to do one day

2009-06-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

This question is a particular favourite of relatives with moustaches, (and yes, they include aunts) at family gatherings.
But knowing what you want to do is not easy. Very few people feel any kind of certainty about their future profession when they are still young. Even though you might have announced proudly when you were five that you wanted to be a be a fireman or a ballerina, you may very likely have changed your mind in between.
So how on earth does one decide what you want to do one day?
Think of the things you enjoy.

If you really enjoy one or two subjects at school, investigate which professions they could lead to. In any particular field there is a wide variety of possibilities. If you really like music of any description, you could, for example, become a DJ, a rock musician, play in a symphony orchestra, work for a radio station or become a sound engineer. Bottom line, is that if you can find a way to make a living from something about which you are passionate, you are likely to be happy in your work.
Think of the things you can do.

Be realistic. Each person has different talents – choose one where your talents are an asset. Certain professions have specific requirements: there are no jockeys that weigh 102 kgs, or rocket scientists with average IQs, or ramp models that are short, or actors that are really shy and retiring. Choose something where you fit the bill, otherwise you are only setting yourself up for a series of disappointments.
See a career guidance counsellor.

These people are trained to help you choose a profession, and they should also be able to give you information about different courses available. Aptitude tests can also point you in the right direction. Guidance counsellors can also give you information about careers you might not even have known about, like food styling, horticulture, adventure sports coach or furniture restoration.
Think of your financial requirements.

What sort of lifestyle do you want to have? If the jetset lifestyle is important to you, you might have to get qualified in something that is difficult, such as chartered accounting. If you are looking for something that will pay the bills, but it's more important to you to feel that you're assisting others than to have wads of cash, you could settle for the helping professions.
Think of where your chosen profession is practiced.

If you want to be a mining engineer, you are not going to find a job in Cape Town or Port Elizabeth. If you like city nightlife, farm manager is not going to cut it for you. Similarly, most journalists are centered around the big towns and cities. Professions such as teaching, law, nursing, computers and business will take you more or less anywhere – from small town to pulsing metropolis.
What sort of training is involved?

This is important as, training costs money. If you can get qualified to do something in six months with which you can earn a decent living, why study for six years and run up a student debt of thousands? Studying is expensive and if your parents are unable to pay your fees, consider the shorter courses.
What does this person do every day?

It's all very well to say you want to be a veterinary assistant, but have you got any idea what this person's daily task consists of? It is always a good idea to spend a day 'workshadowing' someone just to get an idea of what it's like. You might have unrealistic expectations or glamourised notions with regards to what a policeman, or a web designer or an art restorer or a restaurant manager does every day.
Take a look at what's needed in the country.

There is little point in becoming a teacher or an architect, or whatever, if they are being retrenched left, right and centre. Choose a profession for which there is a demand in the country at the time you have to make a choice. So whether you want to become a church minister, an events organiser, a builder or a psychologist – take a look at where there is a shortage. If you don't do this, you might very well have difficulty finding a job.
Choose a profession that travels.

With the exchange rates being what they are, many young people are going overseas to work for a few years to get some capital together and also to pay off huge student loans. Many teachers and nurses are doing short stints overseas to fill their coffers. Check whether your chosen profession's training is internationally recognised.
Don't be pressurised by parental dreams.

If your mom always wanted to be an engineer, but never got round to it, don't feel obliged to fulfill her dreams for her. You don't want to be stuck in a profession you don't enjoy, decades after the people you tried to make happy are dead and gone. And even if they're still very much alive, surely they would rather see you happy than frustrated?
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

rain and hail - what else is up for the holidays?

2009-06-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

"Mom, I'm bored."

Everyone has said this at some time in their lives. These are words parents fear.The winter school holidays are upon us. Freezing temperatures and droves of rain also limit possible outdoor activities in large parts of the country, requiring people to be very resourceful in order to keep busy.
Hanging around a shopping centre aimlessly is not a healthy way to pass the time. Games arcades are also known hangouts for paedophiles and sometimes also drug dealers. (Remember the Station Strangler? That’s where he picked out many of his victims) So what can you do to keep busy during the cold winter holidays?
There are lots of things you can do that won’t cost you an arm and a leg.
Some ideas for keeping busy
- Libraries, museums, aquariums and churches often have special programmes during the holiday seasons. The activities presented often include storytelling sessions, puppet shows, guided walks in nature parks, art classes, bookmaking, paperfolding, facepainting and supervised games. Phone art centres, art galleries or local schools to find out if there are any special courses during the holiday. These are usually entertaining, presented by professionals and can be very entertaining.
- Find out if there are winter camps in your area. This is useful especially if your parents are working and are unable to spend time with you or to take you on holiday.
Television, videos and computer games have their place, but do not encourage much creativity or imagination and therefore have their limitations. You should not spend more than two or three hours per day maximum staring at a screen.
- Spend the holiday with a friend. You will seldom be bored if you have a friend with you. The presence of a friend turns even a mundane happening into an adventure.
Take the time to learn how to bake a cake or prepare a meal. You never know when it might come in very handy that you can cook a good spaghetti bolognaise and bake cheese scones. Remember to clean up.
- Board and card games travel well and can keep you busy for hours. From Pictionary, to Monopoly to Trivial Pursuit – the list is endless.
- Get reading. Go to a kilo book shop or the library. Get involved in a series of books, such as the Harry Potter books or Tolkien’s hobbit epics.
- Get involved in some ongoing project, such as redecorating your room, or making something to sell on a craft market.
- If you are lucky, your parents can always rent a house on a farm and take you away for a week. Farmhouses (phone Tourist Information Bureaus for availability and rates) more than an hour from the city are usually ridiculously cheap and large and can often accommodate more than one family. The more children the better as friends always entertain each other. Farmyard adventures, log fires, bean soup and board games – sounds tempting, doesn’t it?
- Get involved in some ecological project, like cleaning penguins, doing a beach cleanup, helping to remove alien vegetation, helping out at a bird sanctuary. Feeling useful and needed is a great antidote to boredom.
- You might enjoy going on organised hikes or adventure camps of some sort. It is also a way of meeting new people. Sometimes the outdoors can be pleasantly bracing in the middle of the winter.
- Everyone enjoys packing puzzles. Make it a family project. Be ambitious and get a large one with more than a 1000 pieces. Switch on the heater, make some pancakes and coffee and have fun.

Source: www.health24.com

one day when I'm grown up...

2009-06-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

Being a teenager is not always fun and games and parties. On the contrary, problems with parents, a boyfriend or girlfriend, fights with friends, money worries, skin problems, worries about sex – this is no picnic.
But it does get better eventually. Even when it doesn't feel that way right now. Right now, you feel as if the sun will not come up again. But, don't despair. Your life is almost certain to improve in certain ways.
Not without your license.

Imagine having your own car and being able to come and go as you please. The freedom it brings is unspeakable. But so is the cost of servicing the car, replacing the tyres and paying for the car license. Life both gives and takes.
Wear and tear.

In a few years' time you will be able to wear exactly what you choose. Or pierce your tongue should you want to. If a kilt and a poncho blow your hair back, you can wear it. After all, what we wear says a lot about us, and who can express themselves properly with parental style police hanging around?
Eat your brocolli.

Right, you know it's good for you, but why must things that are good for you taste so vile? When you leave home you can live on burgers and pizzas, but just remember to eat some fresh fruit and vegetables – recently there was a student in America who was diagnosed with scurvy after eating nothing fresh for six months.
Heartbreak hotel.

Take solace in the fact that getting your heart broken is always worst the first time it happens. Next time around, you will be older, wiser and have the knowledge that you survived this before. Also, the knowledge that you have fallen in love more than once, shows that it could happen three times.
Zits are the pits.

Massive hormonal changes during your teen years are largely responsible for this. Rest assured, that there will come a time, usually before your 21st birthday, where this problem sorts itself out. If not, a dermatologist can usually recommend medication to fix this.
No more curfews.

"As long as you live under my roof, you will do as I say". Ever heard this? There will come a time that you will be living under your own roof and can do as you please and will not have to explain why you are ten minutes late. Your own roof also means, however, that feeding the cat and washing the floors and doing the ironing will become your responsibility.
Clean your room.

When you are on your own, you can leave your room in exactly the condition that you please or can tolerate. For weeks. The only thing is, what if you want to take someone home and you can't get the front door open?
Turn that down.

When you're on your own, you can play what music you like when you like at the volume you like. Then it's best to rent a cottage on a fram where you have no close neighbours who might complain because their floors have been vibrating for three weeks.
You're just like Uncle Winston.

Being compared to a family member, especially one you don't particularly like, can be a heavy burden to carry. Everything you do gets compared to what he would have done given the circumstances. At least when you're on your own you can be your own person and not live with constant odious comparisons.
Home is where the heart is.

Even though you might feel you would like to go and pack fish in Iceland and never return, there will come a time when things get better between you and your parents. You grow up, they grow up, you all see things differently. Even if you are out there on your own, working as a DJ, a computer boff, a dancer, a teacher – it's nice to know you can go home for a cup if tea and some support. So best you don't burn too many bridges now, because they wouldn't let you go away for the weekend with your three friends.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

matrics - start your own business

2009-06-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Very few South African school leavers are absorbed into the formal economy. In fact, every year, there is a smaller number of people who manage to find jobs. Not everyone has the money to go and study further.

So what now?
The reality is that many youngsters simply end up sitting at home doing nothing. And unfortunately there is some truth in the old saying that the devil finds work for idle hands.
But there are quite a few other possibilities. One of them is creating a job for yourself. Right, but that’s easier said than done. Or is it?
The most important thing to remember is that you need to take a careful look at your community, or one close by and offer a service that people will support.
Offering to fix electrical appliances in an area where few people have electricity, or babysitting services in an area where most of the occupants are elderly, will both result in disaster.
Ideas on generating an income for yourself.

Making beads.

There are bead shops in all big cities in South Africa. The biggest one in Cape Town is called the Bead Shop and is in Long Street. It has a wholesale outlet two doors up of you want to buy in bulk, which is cheaper on the long run. There is also a branch in Mellville Johannesburg.
Here you can buy beads of every description at very cheap prices. In fact, if you spend R50 – R100, you can set up a small business. In the ship there are pamphlets to show you how to put clasps onto bracelets and necklaces and how to make earrings. A small string of beads which you can easily sell for R10, could cost you as little as R1,50 to put together.
They sell everything you would need to start your own small jewellery manufacturing business. Take a look at what your friends like and start production. Campuses and flea markets are good places to sell your products. Remember two things – don’t be shy and make what people want, even if you think purple and yellow don’t go well together.
Teach extra lessons.

If there was a subject you were particularly good at in school, your services could be in demand. Teach extra lessons after school.
Keep your rates reasonable and get people to sign up and pay for a month or term in advance. Limit the size of the group to 4 or 5 otherwise individual attention could become a problem and after all, that is what people are paying for.
Start a carwashing or poolcleaning business.

These are two jobs most people hate to do or simply don’t have the time, so would be prepared to pay others to do this.
You also don’t need any equipment of your own, apart from a cleaning agent, a bucket and a cloth to start off with this. Start with your neighbours and put pamphlets in postboxes for a few blocks around.
If you do a good job, people will tell their friends about you and business will start coming in by itself.
Become a dogwalker.

Many people are too lazy or don’t have the time to walk their dogs, but they feel guilty about it – guilty enough that they will pay someone else to do it.
A number of dogs on leashes can be taken at the same time, so the job need not take up your entire day. Find a nice park or open piece of land where you can take them. Speak to a vet before you embark on this, as they will be able to give you handy tips on dealing with a group of dogs.
Give computer lessons.

Many people have home computers with which they struggle. Not only do they not know how to do the basics, but they have not discovered the joys of the internet. If you know how, use this knowledge to make some money.
Advertise your services by means of photocopied pamphlets, library noticeboards and by word-of-mouth.
This will not cost you anything, because you will be working in peoples’ homes.
Babysitting and homework supervision.

Combine these two services. If you could make this a regular thing, parents could be freed up to pursue some other activities while they know their kids are not only being looked after, but that their homework is being supervised.
Contact the local schools to advertise your services.
Candles and soap.

Check on the Internet on how to make these. These, especially if they are original and attractive, are always in demand for presents.
Start small and check carefully what the market wants, before you invest more than R100 in equipment and materials.
Things to remember
- Every single contact with a customer is important, as a satisfied customer is your best advertisement possible. Be polite and accommodating and remember that the customer is always right.
- Don’t be shy. Push your product and take it to places where you think people might be interested.
- Tell everyone you know about what you are doing.
- Be nice to people like school secretaries and vet receptionists, as they could recommend your services. When they do, thank them – and take them a chocolate!
- Never give credit to anyone, but insist on immediate cash payment, otherwise you could lose money.
- Advertise your services on community noticeboards at supermarkets and in community newspapers.
- Doing a job well is your passport to more opportunities. Nobody is going to recommend you if your work is shoddy, you are unreliable or unpunctual or you break your promises.
- Many parents expect a contribution to the household once a child leaves school. If you are unable to pay rent, remember there are lots of things you can do around the house and garden which would actually save them money. Show your willingness and pitch in wherever you can. After all, they are paying for the roof over your head.
- If you don’t have access to a landline, buy a secondhand cellphone and buy a pay-as-you-go card. Then people will be able to contact you if they want to use your services. Just beware of the high cost of making calls from a cellphone. Rather use a public phone to do this – it will cost you a quarter of the price.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

10 bad gift ideas for christmas

2009-06-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

The gifts we give others say quite a lot about how we see our relationships with them. Can't think of anything to give someone? Chances are you also don't have all that much to say to them. But there are gifts, which would be better not to give.
Recycled gifts.

Last year you got something you didn't like, stuffed it into a drawer and now you are passing it on. Chances are the new recipient will also not like it – and who knows, it might find its way back to you next Christmas.
Very expensive personal gifts.

These include things like jewellery. You could find yourself spending R1000 on a ring for your loved one and they don't like the particular style, shape, colour of what you bought. Ask someone what they like before you spend so much money. It is better to spoil the surprise than to waste thousands.
Three of a kind.

Right, you've got three sisters and little time to traipse around the shops looking for individual gifts, so you end up buying three of the same thing. Thing is, they're all round the same Christmas tree, and once the first one has opened her present, the surprise is gone for the other two. By all means buy three similar things, but identical is not a good idea.
Noisy toys.

On Christmas Day, most families gather in large groups – often in not very large houses. Giving a three-year-old a drum might just spoil the whole day for everybody. Same goes for plastic trumpets and very squeaky plastic animals. Cheap plastic toys also usually don't survive the rough-and-tumble of Christmas Day. Rather go for something solid and wooden – and quiet.
Last-minute gifts.

By the evening of the 24th of December, the shops are empty, and what remains on the shelves, is either ugly, or extremely expensive. You could find yourself having to fork out a fortune for something which is not ideal, or particularly wanted.
It's-the-thought-that-counts gifts.

This usually means the present is dead horrible or definitely unwanted. Or a last-minute affair, just so you don't arrive empty-handed. Sometimes it is better to arrive empty-handed than with something that is so obviously a last-minute thing.
Chocolates.

Always a bad idea. Most people are only too aware of how much weight they are gaining over Christmas, and receiving a further temptation under the tree only makes them even more depressed. Furthermore, when someone receives chocolates, there is subtle pressure on them to open it and share it out, so they don't actually receive a gift at all.
Socks and handkerchiefs and underwear.

These are personal items that people like choosing for themselves. Unless you have very definite instructions on exactly what someone likes, don't go down this road. Rather give a gift voucher and let them choose for themselves.
Sale books and CDs.

These can sometimes be a great success, but only if you keep in mind what someone's tastes are. If you come across Shakespeare's collected works for a mere R49,99, don't give it to someone who has never read anything more taxing than the sports page of the newspaper. It will remain unread and unappreciated. Your grandfather will also quite likely remain unimpressed with Depeche Mode, regardless of whether it was a bargain or not.
Break-the-bank gifts.

Before you consider buying someone a very expensive gift, try and find out more or less what they plan spending on your gift. It is embarrassing if you give a potential girlfriend three CDs and she gives you a pair of socks.

– (Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

who are these people? - teens on tv

2009-06-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

As if it’s not difficult enough to get through life, what with surviving parents and younger brothers and sisters, passing exams, getting and keeping friends, looking and behaving in a manner that’s not stupid, now you have to do all of this against the backdrop of the perfect teens you see on TV.
Appearance

They never have zits, are all above average looking, never carry one extra kilogram, despite the fact that they are constantly shown munching hamburgers and hardly ever do any exercise. They never have bad hair days, are always dressed in the latest expensive fashions and always manage to look cool even if they’re throwing a tantrum.
They wake up in the morning looking cute, not puffy and grumpy and they never develop a boil on their nose before a big date.
Their families

These families fall mainly into two categories: either the laugh-a-minute type or the serious and concerned pillar-of –the-community type, who have serious discussions with their kids about moral issues and things like pollution and sexual choices. The parents, often childhood sweethearts, are always still in love with each other, unless it’s a comedy in which they go for each other’s throats, while the live audience rolls in the aisles. (What’s a dead audience anyway?)
Their brothers and sisters are also cute and sweet, even when they’re being irritating -nothing like the brats that you have to deal with on an ongoing basis. You are convinced your younger siblings were placed on this earth to turn your life into a complete misery. And you somehow always get the blame for what they do wrong, but they don’t listen to you.
Their behaviour

TV teens always think of the right thing to say while they are still in the situation, unlike you, who thinks of the perfect comeback three weeks later while clearing out your cupboard. Wit and wisdom roll of their tongues like a waterfall and the word ‘Ummm…’ is never heard.
They never blush. They either have a quick comeback, or they manage to look deeply hurt in such a way that whoever was nasty to them looks like the villain of the piece. They have also all specialised in looking dark and sultry and mysterious and unpredictable. They never sulk, only brood in self-righteous anger. They never slam doors and swear, but they weep in their darkened bedrooms, where their parents come to apologise to them.
Their parents reason with them and never say things like, “You can come down to supper if you’ve stopped sulking”.
Their schools

Their teachers mostly bear no resemblance to what you have to look at every day. The teachers mostly care, are remarkably tolerant of rudeness, and often actually care enough to be nasty, to get involved in personal matters of the students and to mark assignments instantly and fairly.
They don’t ever seem to spend a lot of time studying, yet always pass tests, often top of the class. Whatever they turn their hands to, they can do well.
They get chosen for sports teams and school plays, unless their not being chosen is the theme for this week’s sultry brooding session.
Their classmates are always beautiful, varied and interesting, the only exceptions being the really nasty ones. And the nasty ones always get what they deserve. You, on the other hand, are still being bullied by the person who tripped you up in Grade 5.
Their love interests

There always is one. There’s always someone in whom they are interested, someone who is interested in them, someone they’re just dumping, or have just dumped or been dumped by. In real life, months can pass without any of these things happening.
The love interests are almost always attractive and interesting, but often with a dark and painful secret, which almost, but seldom completely, scuttles the relationship. There is always a third or fourth person lurking, whose main aim in life appears to be to torpedo the budding romance.
And then, there is always the misunderstanding. She sees him with another woman, who turns out to be his sister. Or someone tells him she has the morals of an alley cat, which turn out to be nothing more than jealous spite. But all of this provides the opportunity for much weeping and wailing and general gnashing of teeth.
And have you noticed that they always, even in big cities, happen to run into the person in question.
Their financial status

Their families always have loads of money. Their furniture always looks brand new – no wear and tear or scuffmarks – and their kitchens always look like something out of an advertising brochure. Their lounges contain every imaginable gadget, but you hardly ever see them watching TV.
They almost always have their own rooms, often their own TVs and telephones.
They often manage to keep a car going on what they earn flipping hamburgers twice a week. Their social lives are hardly ever curtailed by a lack of money and when it is, their parents are always obliging with a loan, which you never see them pay back.
Conclusion

If all of this is making you feel inadequate, relax, you’re in good company. If you have zits, parents who shout at you and are often unreasonable, no transport, a shared bedroom, dragons for teachers and definitely a to-do list as far as your appearance is concerned, take heart in the fact that you at least have a foot in the real world.
Change and growth in your life does not happen in hour-long episodes, but is an ongoing process. And you are also clever enough to know that there are some problems in this world for which there are no easy or immediate solutions.

So give yourself a break.

Source: www.health24.com

who on earth invented these?

2009-06-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

There are many things we use every day without giving them a second thought. But somewhere, some bright spark must have thought of them first. So who invented the following things?
Aspirin.

Aspirin was first produced commercially in 1899. it is the most common pain reliever known today. The Bayer AG, in Germany, manufactured Aspirin in powdered form. The real name of aspirin is acetylsalicylic acid was first synthesized by a chemist from Alsace, called Karl Gerhardt. But its value as a pain reliever was only recognised in 1899, and by 1915, it was available in tablet form and it gained wide usage.
Glasses.

These were originally invented by an unknown Italian glass worker from Tuscany between 1280 and 1286. The first eyeglasses were suitable only for the farsighted and it was only in the 15th century that concave lenses for the near-sighted appeared. Spectacles appeared in China in the 15th century. Benjamin Franklin, who did not like carrying two pairs of glasses with him, invented bifocals in 1785.
False teeth.

The Etruscans were centuries ahead of their contemporaries in the field of dentistry. In about 700 B.C., they succeeded in making partial dentures. These early false teeth were carved from bone or ivory, or were taken from the mouths of young cattle. In the 18th century a Parisian dentist by the name of Pierre Fauchard made upper and lower sets joined with steel springs. This kept the upper set in position but gave the wearer problems when he tried to close his mouth.
Frozen food.

Until the early 1900s, ice-cooled food and drinks were a luxury only available to the very rich. But in order to keep foods frozen, a refrigeration machine had to be developed which could ensure a stabilized temperature. James Harrison, a newspaper editor, patented his own ice machine in Australia in 1857. By 1873 he had perfected his method and held a party in celebration – at which he served meat which had been frozen for six months. None of the guests noticed. In 1924 Clarence Birdseye developed quick-freezing machinery and soon formed the General Seafoods Corporation.
The safety razor.

The safety razor was invented by Jean-Jacques Perret from France and King Camp Gillette from the US. There are two components to the modern safety razor: a guard to keep the blade from piercing the skin and disposable blades. Salesmen Gillette turned shaving upside down in 1901 with his wafer-thin stamped-steel disposable blades. He had worked on the mechanics of the blade for six years. In 1903 he sold 51 razors and 168 blades, and in 1904 90,000 razors and 12,4 million blades.
(Source: The Peoples' Almanac #2: David Wallechinsky and Irving Wallace)

Source: www.health24.com

why do we celebrate april fool's day?

2009-06-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Were you caught by stories about a new African currency, bin Laden being caught in Durban or a new washing powder that irons your clothes for you? Then we can rightly call you an April Fool. But what is the history behind this custom?
The celebration of April Fool's Day can be traced back for centuries and seemed to have evolved from spring day celebrations in the northern hemisphere. New Year also used to be celebrated on this day, until the Gregorian Calendar was introduced in the sixteenth century and New Year was moved to the 1st of January.
Those who were ignorant enough to continue celebrating New Year on the 1st of April, were called April fools and were often made fun of or sent on ridiculous errands. Over time, this tradition evolved into general prank-playing, and spread from France to England and Scotland and to America in the eighteenth century.
Practical jokes take on many different forms – from setting someone's alarm clock an hour back to prank calls to hoax newspaper stories or more elaborate hoaxes involving several people.
The first big media story on April Fool's Day came from the British media in 1958 and involved a lengthy report on Italian spaghetti farmers and how they harvest their crops. (Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

teens - live to tell the tale

2009-06-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

You're young and you're going to live forever.

Right?

Wrong.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but that's not so. What's more, is that there are a lot of things you can do in your teens that will make sure you get to your twenties. And your thirties. And those are a lot closer than you think.
I know health problems are often far from one's mind when you're planning what you're going to wear to the party on Friday night or wondering whether that cute guy in Grade 11 was really looking at you during assembly. Life can be exciting during this time and there are many new experiences you're going through, but often, when people have big problems later in life, they can trace them back to things that started in their teens.
And let's face it, your teens are also not just a bed of roses. This can be a lonely or a sad time. Life can be complicated and during your teens, you tend to feel things more deeply than later in life. When your girlfriend dumps you when you're 17, or your parents get divorced, it simply is more difficult to deal with than when you are older.
Look out for these things and take action, while you can still do something about the situation:
Junk food.

Recently, a man in America ate nothing but junk food for thirty days. Three times a day, he had sodas, burgers, chips and whatever else could be found on the menu. After a month he had gained 13 kgs and had dangerously high blood pressure, as well as liver problems. These results speak for themselves. Eating healthy foods will help you grow and help your body fight diseases. Six glasses of water a day are recommended, and at least five portions of fresh fruit and vegetables. Proteins are essential, but try and stay away from animal fats. Eat lots of fish and wholewheat grains, such as brown rice and wholewheat bread. Dairy products are essential, as they up your calcium levels.
Safe sex or no sex.

Deciding to have sex is one issue, but having unsafe sex an entirely different one. One sexual encounter without using a condom could cost you your life. A generation or two ago, the worst things that could happen to people who had unplanned and unprotected sex, were pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection (STI), which could be treated with antibiotics. Now HIV/Aids has transformed things on the sexual front. There is no medication that will cure HIV/Aids, so once you've got it, you've got it. And you could be passing it on to others. Point is, there is nothing casual about having casual sex these days.
Avoiding obesity.

A recent report by the International Obesity Task Force, have shown that one in every ten schoolkids in the world is overweight. As many societies are becoming more westernized as people are moving to cities, diets seem to be leaning more and more towards calorie-rich and fatty junk foods. If you get into a habit of watching what you eat most of the time and getting some regular exercise, you are unlikely to gain weight. It doesn't mean that you can't ever enjoy anything. One doughnut a week is not going to make you obese – but one or two a day might very well. So, the secret lies in not going overboard and getting out there in the great outdoors for a walk or a run, or a sports match. It is so much easier to control your weight now, than having to lose 35 kg at a later stage in your life.
Safety and security.

We live in a dangerous country. I don't really have to tell you that as I can't imagine that you won't have realised it by now. But the statistics are frightening: Every day in South Africa, 60 people are murdered, 95 people barely survive violent attacks, 142 women are raped, and 725 people are assaulted with the intention to inflict grievous bodily harm, according to statistics from the South African Police Services (SAPS). So how do you protect yourself? You can get quite far by doing a self-defence course, by not walking around alone after dark, never hitchhiking, avoiding getting into fights as far as is possible and avoiding areas that are known to be unsafe. Make sure you always have enough money on you to make a phone call in an emergency.
Quitting smoking.

Researchers say it is just as difficult to stop smoking as it is to stop taking heroin. Worldwide, more people die of smoking-related diseases than of tuberculosis and Aids combined. About seven million South Africans smoke about ten cigarettes per day. And 90% of them started smoking before the age of 18. Cigarette smoke does damage to every organ and every function in your body and every cigarette you smoke, shortens your life by about five minutes. In short, it is just so much less hassle never starting than it is to try and stop once you've acquired a pack-a-day habit.
Avoiding an unwanted pregnancy.

Having a baby when you're still in your teens, is difficult, to say the least. Your friends are out partying and discovering the world and you're at home changing nappies. And then, of course, there's the whole issue of finding money to buy nappies, to pay for medical expenses, buy baby food and clothing. If the father is as young as you are, chances are that he doesn't have oodles of cash either. Having a baby at such a young age, also means that your own plans are put on hold for a while. Bottom line is, that if you're having a sexual relationship, you should take responsibility for what you're doing. If you're too shy to speak to your GP or go to the clinic for contraceptives, you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Staying away from drugs.

Every single person who starts taking drugs, think they will be able to control their drug intake. No one ever plans to end up as an addict. Point is, drugs are everywhere and you've probably already been offered some. "By the time a boy has reached Grade 11, between one third and half will have tried illegal substances”, says Grant Jardine, director of the Cape Town Drug Counselling Centre. Drugs drain your finances, ruin your health and make it almost impossible for you to have healthy relationships. It also severely strains your family relations and makes it very difficult for you to study or make any progress on your career path. Drugs can kill you in a variety of unpleasant ways – from making your heart stop, to causing bleeding on your brain, just to name two.
Hitting the bottle.

There is a liquor outlet of some kind for every 191 people in South Africa, according to statistics provided by the Medical Research Council. There certainly is no shortage of alcohol in this country. Liquor may not be sold to anyone under the age of 18, according to the South African law. Alcohol is produced by the fermentation of fruits, vegetables or grains. Water and ethanol make up the body of most alcoholic drinks. All alcoholic beverages display their percentage of alcoholic content on the labels. Within five minutes of consuming alcohol, it enters the blood stream via the stomach. The effects can last for several hours. Alcohol is a nervous system depressant and after three units, makes people less socially inhibited and generally more relaxed. If more alcohol is consumed, double vision, nausea, loss of balance and vomiting can occur. Further drinking may lead to unconsciousness and memory loss. Alcohol affects every organ of the body, but its most dramatic impact is on the liver. Also, many people die as a result of accidents caused by drunken drivers.
Abusive relationships.

Relationship patterns are often started in your teens. If a relationship is causing you pain for much of the time, or your partner does not make you feel good about yourself, get out as quickly as possible. Life is difficult enough as it is that we don't need to have to deal with partners who are emotionally or even physically abusive. And no, you are not to blame for your partner's behaviour, whatever he/she might say. People themselves choose how they react in certain situations – you cannot be held responsible for their choices. And don't for a moment believe that by changing the way you behave, you will be able to solve the problem.
Depression/suicide.

Suicide among children and adolescents in South Africa is on the increase, according to statistics released by the University of Natal School of Medicine. On average, 9% of deaths in young people are due to suicide. For every one fatal suicide, there are 20 suicide attempts. One of the leading causes of suicide is psychological disorders, such as depression. The signs of depression in teens include feeling sad, anxious or empty; school performance that gets worse; loss of interest in social or sports activities; too little or too much sleep; changes in weight or appetite. If you feel constantly depressed, it is essential that you do something about it. You can go to your family GP, or if you have suicidal thoughts, phone the Suicide Helpline at 0800 567 567.
Dropping out of school.

School can be boring, frustrating and exasperating at times. So it's not surprising that every now and then you feel as if you want to go away and not come back. But not having your Grade 12-certificate closes many doors for you and several years down the line will limit your earning potential severely. Dropping out of school can have real long-term effects on the rest of your life, making it a lot more unpleasant by comparison than the joy you experienced in waving goodbye to the school in the first place.
Dieting too much.

Constant dieting can cause your metabolism to slow down. If your body thinks it is starving, it will hang onto everything that you do eat, in case there's little more coming that way. The eating disorder anorexia nervosa is also associated with obsessive dieting, long past the point where someone has reached normal goal weight. See the above section on junk food for healthy eating recommendations.
Not exercising.

Exercise helps burn calories and also helps with weight management. It will also help to control things such as blood sugar, stress and depression. So how much exercise do you need? Experts generally recommend at least 30 minutes a day. Walking, swimming and cycling are good ways of exercising. Taking part in team sport at school can also improve your social life.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

top 10 teen tips

2009-06-19T11:22:00.000-07:00

When you're growing up, health is something you often take for granted. That is, until something goes wrong and you get sick or injured. But with very little effort on your part, you can get healthy and stay healthy.
Avoid junk food.

One hamburger a week isn't going to change you into a blimp, but if it gets to be an everyday thing, you could be in trouble. If your consumption of chips and hot dogs is greater than your consumption of fresh fruit, vegetables, you will not only pack on the pounds, you will also be unhealthy.
Drink lots of water.

A study found that 65% of children between the ages of 11 and 14 do not drink enough water. Could you be one of them? How many glasses of water have you had today? You should have between six and eight every day – more if you are doing a lot of exercise.
Don't squeeze zits.

The temptation is huge, but the point is, squeezing makes them worse, as it causes an infection in the skin. This will cause many more problems than it will solve.
Don't harbour grudges.

If someone has done something that really makes you angry, vent it, get it out of your system, but don't harbour grudges. This wreaks havoc with your health, as constant anger eats you up from the inside and causes your stress levels to go skyhigh. This has a domino effect, as constant stress reduces the effectiveness of your immune system.
Get some exercise.

Exercise does lots of good things for you – it ups your heart rate, drains your lymph nodes, gets your blood circulating, and ups your serotonin levels. Serotonin is your body's feel-good hormone – and heavens, when you're a teenager, you need lots of this! Exercise is a very good antidote for depression, so get moving and do yourself a favour.
Don't smoke or drink or do drugs.

Being a teen often means experimenting with lots of new things – this is only natural. But just keep in mind that many people in their twenties and thirties struggle with addictive habits they started in their teens. While lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver can take years to develop, if you think about it, you probably know a teen who has died from taking illegal drugs – why do this to yourself? The problem with people who live on the edge, is they often fall over it.
Get enough sleep.

Your body needs all the help it can get in this difficult time of change. It's fine to stay up late now and then, but avoid feeling wiped out by going to bed more or less the same time every night – and that's not at 2 a.m. Try and get a full eight hours, especially on school nights or before exams.
Make some money of your own.

Having money of your own gives you a bit of freedom to buy the clothes or the CDs you want. Also, if you get some experience now, it will probably be easier to get a job later on.
Appreciate family and friends.

Family can sometimes drive you crazy, but they're the only ones you have. Friends also form part of your support system. Generally, you will receive the same kind of support that you are prepared to give to others. So, in short, be there for your friends, and they will be there for you.
Books, music, movies.

These are all great stress relievers. They all take you out of your world for a while – and boy, we all need that sometimes. Join a library, as books are expensive. There's nothing quite like a video on a rainy, cold, winter's evening. And music often says it like you wish you could.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Source: www.health24.com

telling your parents you are gay

2009-06-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

Telling your parents you are gay is not an experience people take lightly – whether you are on the giving or the receiving end of the news.
As it is, parents and children often experience difficulty in seeing each other as sexual beings and when parents have to deal with the added information of their children’s homosexuality, all sorts of other issues come to the fore.
Receiving this news is often a profound shock for parents, says Glenn de Swardt, Manager of the Clinical Services for The Triangle Project, a gay, lesbian and bisexual support group. Not only do parents often have to cope with their own and society’s homophobic ideas, but they have to rethink the ideals they had for their child.
Mothers often have some idea of the truth, as they are often more closely in tune with their children on an emotional level. But it still comes as a shock to have your suspicions confirmed. Parents also see their children as extensions of themselves and this forces them to rethink family relationships.
Stereotypical Ideas

Although a lot less homophobic than twenty years ago - South Africa now has one of the most progressive constitutions in the world as far as gay rights are concerned - our society, of which parents form an integral part, still has very stereotypical ideas about what it means to be gay. Parents often wonder whether their children are going to become clones of Liberace or Martina Navratilova. The truth often lies very far from this.
Parents need time to mourn

“Parents need time to mourn the loss of what they had hoped for their children – a stable marriage and children” says De Swardt. “They need the space to go into shock and to come to terms with the news they have received. Coming out is a long process for a child and parents also need a lot of time to work through this.”
"Where did we go wrong?"

It is not unusual for parents to experience a deep sense of shame and a very real fear of what relatives, friends and colleagues will say. Many parents examine themselves, their own relationship with their spouse and ask the universal question, ”Where did we go wrong”. The answer is most probably ‘nowhere’.
Parents worry about their children leading a life of what they perceive as unstable and alien to their own experience. The life of a lonely social outcast is what many parents envisage for their homosexual child.
The truth lies very far from this, as there are thousands of happy gay couples in South Africa. With heterosexual marriages having only a 50% chance of success, being straight is not always a guarantee for happiness.
Both parents and children do not always have contact with or access to positive gay role models and for this reason often jump to conclusions that may be very far from the truth, like it will merely be a matter of time before your son gets AIDS.
10 Tips for parents of gay children
- Remember that this is still the child you love
- Children do not choose this condition
- Give yourself time to make peace with the idea – give yourself time to mourn if you need to.
- Be honest about what you are feeling as it will give your child the opportunity to do the same. If you are worried, it is because you care and mean well. You might worry less if you inform yourself better.
- Treasure your child’s individuality and her right to make choices
- Remember that you want, above all else, for your child to be happy, not to lead a life of secrecy of which you form no part
- Feel flattered that your child trusted you enough to tell you – it means he wants you to remain a part of his life. And as he is unlikely to have a wife and strings of children, will very likely be able to give you more care and attention in your later life than would otherwise have been possible.
- Your child is not doing this to reject you Other people are often far less prejudiced than you expect them to be. Statistically, they are very likely to have either gay children, siblings or other relatives.
“It is not always a wise idea to tell parents,” says Glenn de Swardt. “In homes where violence occurs or if conservative parents are likely to react very strongly by doing things such as kicking schoolgoing children out of the home, it is often better for the child to keep quiet.” But in most cases it is wiser to be honest – just choose the right time.
And even if you feel at sea, remember the words of Oscar Wilde: “Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”
Contact Details

The Triangle Project (Tel.(021) 448 3812) also has counselling facilities for parents and families who are having difficulty coming to terms with having a gay child or sibling. The Gay and Lesbian Helpline is also available from 1 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily on (021) 4222500.
(Susan Erasmus Health24)
Many teens worry about this issue. Our Teen Expert gives advice.

Source: www.health24.com

guide to great kissing

2009-06-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

Knowing when to kiss for the first time:
- Break the ice by greeting your date with a kiss on the cheek. When it comes to the time for the "real" kiss you will both be much more relaxed.
- Touch your partner throughout the evening. Don't hold the touch too long, however. Use your judgment.
- Wait for the moment to present itself.
- Look for cues from body language. Is your partner moving into you?
Step-by-step:
- Tilt head, close eyes (enhances the sensation of the kiss)
- Kiss lightly with soft lips and a slightly open mouth.
- Savour the smell.
- Gently move your whole body toward your partner, if he/she is responding, press your chest towards him/her, then your waist and finally move your hips.
- Feel your partner's rhythm, match it.
Tongue:
- Gently move the tongue in, exploring the inside of the lips, move in a little more paying attention to your partner's motions and rhythms.
- Take turns exploring each others' mouths.
- Play with the tongue.
Kissing do's and don'ts:
- Don't slobber - The amount of moisture should remain the same as your normal state.
- Don't tense up your lips - allow your lips to relax, not sloppy, but loose.
- Do Tease - be gentle at first. Give your partner a chance to come after your lips, want your lips.
- Use all your senses to make love with your mouth.
- Be aware of your oral hygiene. Smell and taste can be the most potent of aphrodisiacs (or turn-offs).
- Don't press your lips too much into your lover's lips. Squashing your lover's lips is not passionate, it just hurts and makes it difficult for them to respond.
Tips to make it special
- Ear nibbling - lightly little nibbles, alternating with light sucking of the lobe is an effective technique.
- Cherish the bottom lip. Gently suck the lower lip between your lips for a second before you let it go. Even nibble gently.
- Use your hands. Hold the face, caress hair, slide your hand down the back. Each one will enhance the kiss that much more.
- Enhance the senses - Connect your lips and then don't move. A kiss that will build your anticipation for everything else as it builds intimacy.
- Be creative - Develop you own special kissing style. Don't stick to one thing. Explore, enjoy the senses.
- Get into it. Your lover will be able to feel your involvement. Enjoy your senses.
- Allow the tongue to dance together, teasing it, melding with it, moving together, and apart. Let your lover take the lead once in a while. Allow his/her tongue to set the tone, follow it where it goes.
- Lightly lick the neck, use your soft hot breath to linger over the ear.
- Move your soft lips down the neck to the very sensitive area where the hairline stops. Lick and nibble.
- Use chocolate, honey, mint candy or wine to make your lips taste sweet or pass it between you to share the flavour and enhance the senses.

Source: www.health24.com